Take It or Leave It?

FUUUUUUUCK!

I FINALLY plucked up some balls to tell The Director what I wanted to say to him and what did he go and do? He went and fought for me. A lot harder than I’d actually given him credit for.

“I kinda hoped we’d have a chance to talk this week but we’ve both been super busy! I like you a lot, and I’ve had a lot of fun with you but it feels like we keep flatlining. You’re a really busy guy and I’m busy too but I’m looking for something a bit more… Boyfriendy? If that makes sense? It’s a shame and I’m sorry for doing this right now but I wouldn’t want you to miss all of what the weekend and the stag do has to offer (lol!).”

He went on a stag weekend last night. I have no idea when he’s back because we haven’t discussed it. But I didn’t want to be the girl who broke up with the guy AFTER he got back from the stag weekend. I’d rather do it beforehand so he can go out and fuck as many strippers as he likes. He didn’t see it like that. He saw it as me being a jealous girlfriend who tried to start a fight with him because he bought up the topic of strippers.

I don’t really care about the strippers if I’m honest. I could care less what he got up to at the stag weekend and I think that’s kinda the point. I’m a really cool girlfriend. As long as you don’t take the piss out of me, you can do what the fuck you like. Go out with the boys, go and get drunk, go and see the strippers. I’m not a prude, nor do I expect my man to be. I know he has needs. I know strippers is one of them. Well, naked girls – porn, strippers, whatever.

He was offended by what I’d said. Every time he’d called me, I’d been unavailable. I’d never once called him. I’d never once asked him if and when he would be free. I’d never once asked him out on a date. We had been on eight dates? (I think) Not one of them was organised by me. He’d arranged all of them. To him it looked like I could “take it or leave it.”

There was me moaning about us not feeling “relationshippy” enough and I’ve been giving him the cold shoulder the entire way along.

“I agree I can be difficult but I am also a very affectionate guy. Seems after the first couple of weeks you just weren’t about or available at all and then the whole remark came up re: how quick you would drop me if a better opportunity would come along.* Hardly conducive to me running around after you, especially as you are hardly forthcoming with wanting to actually do anything with me.”

*The Going-to-theStates Fight.

We’ve been on eight dates. I’ve blown him out three times. I’ve been late every single time. To him it looks like I don’t give a shit. I couldn’t care less if he got in touch or not. I’ve been playing it so cold, I made the guy I was REALLY into feel like I couldn’t care less whether or not he was in my life. Why did I do that? Why do I do that?

I told him it was the little things – the missing morning messages and the fact he forgets everything I tell him. He forgets hospital appointments he should probably wish me luck for. He doesn’t text back when I tell him I have exciting, important news. He apologised. Then he got annoyed with me. Then he apologised again. In the end, we decided voice on voice action was the right way to resolve the issue and before I knew it, I was giggling at his outrageous flirting again and we’ve arranged to meet him when he gets back from the crazy weekend.

What the fuck? I was so sure about this. I was so sure he wasn’t right for me. What the fuck happened? How did I go from that to this?

More importantly than that, what do I do about it?